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What Women Want--What Men Want: Why the Sexes Still See Love and Commitment So Differently, by John Marshall Townsend
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Following the work of E. O. Wilson, Desmond Morris, and David Buss, What Women Want--What Men Want offers compelling new evidence about the real reasons behind men's and women's differing sexual psychologies and sheds new light on what men and women look for in a mate, the predicament of marriage in the modern world, the relation between sex and emotion, and many other hotly debated questions.
Drawing upon 2000 questionnaires and 200 intimate interviews that show how our sexual psychologies affect everyday decisions, John Townsend argues against the prevailing ideologically correct belief that differences in sexual behavior are "culturally constructed." Townsend shows there are deep-seated desires inherited from our evolutionary past that guide our actions. In a fascinating series of experiments, men and women were asked to indicate preferences for potential mates based on their attractiveness and apparent economic status. Women overwhelmingly preferred expensively dressed men to more attractive but apparently less successful men, and men were clearly inclined to choose more attractive women regardless of their professional status. Townsend's studies also indicate that men are predisposed to value casual sex, whereas women cannot easily separate sexual relations from the need for emotional attachment and economic security. Indeed, wherever men possess sexual alternatives to marriage, and women possess economic alternatives, divorce rates will be high. In the concluding chapter, Townsend draws upon the advice of couples who have maintained their marriages over the years to suggest ways to survive our evolutionary predicament.
Lucidly and accessibly written, What Women Want--What Men Want shows us why we are the way we are and brings new clarity to one of the most intractable debates of our time.
- Sales Rank: #1593026 in Books
- Published on: 1999-04-22
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 5.30" h x .60" w x 7.90" l, .86 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 304 pages
From Library Journal
In this book, Townsend makes years of scholarly research accessible to the general public. The research, including 2000 questionnaires, 200 interviews, and an extensive bibliography, indicates that men and women across many cultures have evolved a psychobiological response to sexual relationships. Men want young, beautiful women and casual sexual relationships; women look for committed relationships with men of wealth and status. Even among "liberated" individuals, these statements hold true. Townsend, a professor of anthropology who has published many scholarly articles, explores why this hasn't changed despite the changing sex roles and economies of modern American society. A well-written, well-researched, and fascinating read; recommended.?Elizabeth Caulfield Felt, Holland Lib., Washington State Univ., Pullman
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Kirkus Reviews
Forget the sexual and feminist revolutions, says Townsend; men and women want what they have always wanted over the decadesand centuries and millennia, for that matter. In a nutshell, posits Townsend (Anthropology/Syracuse Univ.), men who engage in dating and mating are looking primarily for physical attractiveness in women; women seek men who have status and earnings power and who will emotionally and materially invest in them. Such proclivities, he argues, are largely hard-wired into us by evolutionary psychology. Thus, for example, studies show that men are far more easily aroused by visual stimuli, while womens fantasies deal more with men who will provide security and caring (thus, pornography is overwhelmingly purchased by males, romance novels by females). Such proclivities are little affected by some womens newfound economic status; even economically self-sufficient or otherwise high- achieving women, such as medical students, often resist dating lower-status men, even if theyre perceived as handsome. Nor does marital status or gender orientation play much of a role (Townsend cites studies that reveal that the differences between what gays and lesbians seek in lovers are even more pronounced than between male and female heterosexuals). But his book suffers from methodological (not to mention stylistic) problems. Townsends sample of interviewees is somewhat skewed (a quarter of these 200 were medical students, while another quarter were Mexican-Americans); some of his statistics are meaningless (Blumstein and Schwartz found that women in their twenties with three children have a 72 percent chance of remarrying, while women in their thirties with no children have a 60 percent chance); and he also is too focused on the macro picture; there is almost nothing here about how individual psychology or cultural conditioning affects the search for, and selection of a partner. An interesting but flawed sociobiological analysis what men and women want from each other. -- Copyright ©1998, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.
Review
"A well-written, well-researched, and fascinating read."--Library Journal
"Townsend has focused on some very interesting test cases--in particular, women medical students who anticipate having high status and high incomes, and extremely sexually active women. These seemingly exceptional cases are exceedingly interesting, because they prove (test) the rules. Townsend's basic message is that the sexes are not more similar than they appear, they're less similar; they are not becoming more similar now, and they are unlikely to become more similar any time soon."--Donald Symons, Professor of Anthropology, University of California, Santa Barbara
"John Townsend's interviews constitute a useful addition to the rapidly growing literature on the evolutionary psychology of dating and mating, laying bare just how different the goals of women and men remain."--Marin Daly, Psychology Department, McMasters University, Ontario
Most helpful customer reviews
17 of 20 people found the following review helpful.
women want status; men want beauty --
By Carol C.
If you're a woman over 30, less than a perfect ten, and wondering whether you'll ever find a good man, look no further. This book will confirm that you're doomed to spinsterhood. All men are looking for that beautiful twenty-year old blonde with the perfect body. Seriously, the basic premise of the book is that men prize a woman's youth & physical attractiveness first and foremost (and almost to the exclusion of any other traits -- a woman's economic status, occupation, and to some extent, personality, are largely irrelevant to men). In choosing sexual partners and mates, men focus on physical attractiveness. Period. Women, on the other hand, look for economic and professional status and investment. A woman of any socioeconomic level wants to "marry up" and will often prefer to have a primary relationship with a higher status man who is married or involved with multiple women than to have a primary monogomous relationship with a lower status man. Men want to minimize their investment; women want to maximize a man's investment. Townsend explains why musicians and athletes have often had hundreds of sex partners, and typically have ten to twenty women whom they can call at any given time for commitment free, investment-free sex. Townsend creates serious doubt that men in high status positions will be faithful in relationships.
It seems that the vast majority of the individuals interviewed & quoted are twenty-something medical students, becoming aware of their status for the first time. They will have nothing to do with the "unattractive, overweight" women in their med school class, particularly when the universe of "chirpies" (nurses, therapists, etc.) are available & interested. The other group of men interviewed are, on the whole, high status men, many of whom engage in polygyny (multiple relationships during the same time frame with a variety of women).
This book was interesting, and filled with quotations from the interviewees, although it went on & on & on --reinforcing the conclusion that draws in the first few chapters, quoting one med student who sounds very similar to the next med student. Men want youth & beauty. Women want investment & status.
My guess is that some readers would bristle at the generalizations in this book -- though they undoubtedly ring true. The text doesn't contain a significant amount of commentary & editorialization; it just presents the interview results in a readable fashion.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Great Evolutionary Psychology Primer
By T.
When I started this book, I struggled to push through it. The prose is very, very dry. I don't mean that the book was overly technical or scientific, because I read many books that are technical and scientific, yet the prose is not so dry. What made the prose dry is that it was just a simple recitation of facts, especially in the beginning. The flat, recitation of facts was broken up by anecdotal case studies that illustrated the concepts just described.
What made the beginning of the book extra tortuous for me was also that I read a lot of evolutionary psychology books, so the information I was finding was all stuff I already knew. After reading the first quarter of the book, I was ready to just throw in the towel on the book but I persevered.
Lo and behold, after getting through the first quarter of the book, it got much better. The anecdotal case studies appeared more frequently, which made the prose seem less dry, and the scientific findings started going beyond the realm of very basic evolutionary psychology, and actually taught me a lot of things I didn't know already and provided new ways of interpreting the things I did know.
By the end of the book I was enjoying the reading experience very much and it ended on a very strong note, even providing relationship advice and ways of applying everything that had been discussed so far.
I highly recommend, and I would suggest making it a third of the way through the book before deciding whether or not it's for you.
4 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Love is the result, not the cause
By Saad Butt
John Marshall Townsend's seminal book answers Freud's famous question "What do women want?" In ten chapters Mr. Townsend addresses various topics pertaining to male-female relationships: sexual differences between the two genders; what is sex what is love; what is sexually attractive to women in men; when choosing partners for marriage what men and women look for; men's criteria for choosing partners; whether there is a shortage of available men for dating; as women age and achieve professional success why their chances of dating decline; what both genders seek in marriage; whether women can have sex like men without emotional commitment; who does majority of household chores; whether women like dominant men; why male medical students don't date female medical students; whether men and women are alike in other parts of the world and, lastly, how to cope with evolutionary differences between the two genders. While responding to the above questions, Mr. Townsend convincingly debunks the notion that men and women contribute equally to the relationship and demonstrates there is always an overlap in terms of contribution and how it benefits the relationship. His analysis underscores the difficulty with egalitarianism and how fanciful expectations often undermine relationships. To wit, if something is rational doesn't mean it's preferable. The book counsels the readers to be committed to their relationship; to do things together; accept gender differences in task preferences; ignore the idea grass is greener on the other side; have lower expectations; know each partner must sacrifice some aspects of their personality for the success of relationship; remember in marriage some conflict and disappointment is inevitable and to restrict the desires to stray by avoiding to vent them. An engrossing book with potential to help a lot of people!
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